Detective Kudo
by TheIt
Summary: Shinichi never thought that he had to kill to live. [AU in which Conan is really a distant relative and Shinichi was captured while he was away to participate in a survival game] [ShinRan][HattoKazu][Blind! Shinichi]
1. Prologue

Epilogue

"The game is simple. Be the last one alive and we will let you go."

Of course, he had tried all kind of method and strategy his praised mind could think of, but this wasn't like all those cases. There weren't any complicated codes and puzzles, no gimmicks and of course, no laws. Only innocent people driven to to kill out of desperation, and and the distant promise of freedom.

He woke up confused and cladded in nothing but a hospital gown in an empty room, with no idea how he got there and where all of his things went. A single, flickering light bulb was the only light source in the stuffy room and a note with those haunting words scribbled on and stuck on a door, the only way to leave the room apparently. Wide eyes scanned the room, and quickly landed on a corner in which a loaf of bread and an axe sat in a plastic bag. Taunting him. Now that note made some sense to what he was supposed to do.

The only way out was to kill.

* * *

><p>As he roamed the dark halls silently, one hand clutching all the food he found in a bag and the other gripping his bloody weapon, he tried to keep his sanity by thinking of the last thing he could remember before he was kidnapped and placed in this abandoned building. There was the trip to that one amusement park with Ran... the murder on the roller coaster then those drug dealers whom he tracked down and reported before he went to investigate a complicated case requested by another detective. Unrecognizable and rotting corpses had been found throughout the world, seemingly killed somewhere else before being scattered everywhere. He had some idea now where they'd came from now, having stepped on a lot of wet and sticky, sometime even slightly warm substances that he was glad that it was too dark to see.<p>

There was a scream nearby, and he quickly fumbled his way into a room and locked the door. All the bulbs had fused out by now.

How long had it been? Mornings and lights no longer existed in this purgatory, only darkness that blended together into a timeless blur. The stank of death and blood had not became any better despite how long he felt like he was in there. He found it hard breath and think honestly, and much to his horror corpses seemed to be everywhere. There was no escape, no safety in this place. The rooms were mostly broken into and intact doors were rare now, but he would still only kill when he absolutely had to. Which was a lot. He couldn't remember (or rather he tried not to) how many lives he had taken.

* * *

><p>A single piece of moldy bread left and he couldn't help but shove all of it into his mouth.<p>

* * *

><p>But she was only a small girl. She couldn't even fight back because of how sickly and malnourished she was. And he killed her, because there was no another way. The longer she lived the longer this sick game went on. He could still hear her soft cries as she asked him to hold her because she was scared, then told him to end it quickly. His bony fingers weakly grasped around her neck as he whispered some meaningless words in as an attempt comfort her, before quickly breaking her neck with a flick of the wrists. He could still feel her small frame went limp and the mental and physical fatigue suddenly rushed in when the adrenaline ran out. Feel the scream and cry that bubbled up in him though he knew he couldn't let anything out because if he did they'd come and find him and kill him in in no time.<p>

Quickly he felt around and found a packet of biscuits and a machete, which was probably for the girl. Both were kept.

* * *

><p>" 'm... s-sorry... so sorry..." His eyes burned and tears stung his cheeks as he swung his axe around, aiming at where he heard the footsteps and feeling the impact. The bones scrunched under the force of his weapon as he swung it repeatedly until he could no longer hear anything other than his own breathing and erratic heartbeat. He knew he was drenched in blood.<p>

" s-sorry. .. soo...rry... m' s-s-so ..." He just wanted live.

* * *

><p>Left... right... left... right...<p>

In... out... in... out...

Just keep walking. Just keep breathing. It had to be over soon. No one had been near him for a while now.

He was afraid that if he stopped moving he would die.

* * *

><p>Someone was in front of him. Their irregular breathing was deafening to his ear.<p>

But he couldn't move anymore, having collapsed there before he noticed that there was someone else. It seemed like they had stopped moving too though, and he cried as he held on because he was so so so so close. Ran was waiting at home for him, his parents too and Conan was probably spamming his phone with curious questions and cases. Just hold on for a while more, just a while more please.

He listened as the other man gasped for breath, struggling on his own to regain consciousness but he needed to win. He had to win. A choke, a sob, then silence.

"The winner is number 34! Congratulation!" A distorted voice spoke through speakers, and he laughed, and cried and scream because he was so so so so glad that he survived but he was just as much, if not more, guilty.

* * *

><p>"Kudo-san... we found your son in- A-ah yes he is alive... but currently in very bad condition. We are bringing him to the Central hospital right now. Ah... Kudo-san? Hello-"<p> 


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

It had been a week since they had found Shinichi, and since then all he had said was "I killed them I killed them I killed them " over and over again until he passed out, often even begging to be put in jail. The Kudos didn't know what to do about that, but they've noticed that much of the blood on him wasn't his own. But his entire body was covered in wounds, raging from scatches to bullet shots and even third degree burns, and god, he was even poisoned. Clearly he could've died too, and though it was confusing they knew there was much more to this than what their son had talked about so far.

So far most of his wounds had been taken care of without much problem, though they still couldn't determine what exactly he had been poisoned with and how to get rid of it. A nerve kind of poison that choked him and caused his muscles to tense and cramp up painfully. They've gotten the best kind of scientists around, called all their chemist friends and using billions to create an antidote, but the only thing that came up was a pill that only stopped the poison from spreading and killing him. The other thing that they were worried about was his eyesight. There was slashes across his eyes, and the wounds had not been treated for a long time and had become infected. Not only that but the injuries to his head was awful too and they were trying to keep his retinas from detaching.

Just what on Earth had happened during that one month he went missing?

* * *

><p>Their attempt at reattach in his retinas failed.<p>

* * *

><p>Today when she had been informed that her son was awake, she had expected to see him wildly thrashing and yelling when she entered the room. Instead, he was just propped upright on his bed, still hooked on some IVs and and pretty much covered in bandages but he was very much awake.<p>

"Shin - chan, " her voice cracked when she said it, and she broke a little more when he flinched. But he turned towards her, half of his face covered and the other half decorated in yellows and greens of healing bruises.

"...mom?" She had never been happier to to near his voice, though hoarse and soft and still unsure.

* * *

><p>Obviously what happened was very traumatizing to him, but somehow he managed to to sit through the report on what happened with only only a few near - panic - attacks. He told them all he could remember from the place, and they filled him in on what happened the last time they saw him. Apparently he was last seen walking back to his hotel, which he couldn't at all remember.<p>

"The 'players'... were chosen randomly..." he murmured. "I don't think I was, though." It was too much of a coincidence how he was investigating a case that had corpses that appeared randomly all over the place and suddenly he was placed somewhere where there were people being brutally murdered. Recently they had checked the bodies again and sure enough, traces of the same poison was found on them. But why did they let him go if they captured him with the intention of killing him in their sick game?

They talked about the building in which the game took place, and he had came to the conclusion that it was an abandoned mansion. A very large one, in fact. He had counted five levels, artic included, and the windows were all filled up with cement. The main doors in the living room was sealed too. The many rooms that he hid in sometimes had bed frames and wooden furniture, and sometimes he fumbled upon a bathroom that still had running water, surprisingly. On another note his eyes were itching awfully but all the gauze prevented him from touching them. It wasn't that he could really lift his arms.

"Alright, we will be going now. Get well soon," he heard the officer said (what was his name again?) and briefly registered the man taking his hand and gave it an awkward shake be for gently setting it back down on to his chest. "Bye." He imagined a medium sized man in Japan's police uniform giving an awkward bow before shuffling out of his room. There was the soft click of the door before the entire room became silent except for his own breathing and the air conditioner. He hated it. It reminded him too much of those last moments he had in the game, seconds away from being announced the winner. But he was safe now, wasn't he? He was out of that hell hole and he wasn't going to jail because apparently his murders was classified under self defense. Now he had warm food and a nice bed and as many blankets as he could request, and no one lurked behind the door waiting for him to fall asleep so they could strike...

Yes, he was a selfish bitch who wanted to to live, and he was sorry that because he lived no one else could.

* * *

><p>A whole month he stayed in bed and kept himself occupied with audio books and music, trying his best to to not have a flashback and progressing well with his counselling sessions and rehabilitation. Also thanks to his crazy habit of learning anything he could, he had already knew Braille and only had to brush up his skills a little and he was off with his new laptop. It was annoying, the robotic voice over, but it kept him distracted and so far distractions was good. Especially after a visit from his psychiatrist. She tended to pull up all the stuff that he had pressed down, telling him that it wasn't good for him to to kept it in. He cooperated though, because he wanted to recover as soon as possible.<p>

His parents was also extremely surprised at how well he was dealing with the blindness and the poison, and when they asked him about it he just bluntly told them that he was much better off than all the others. "They're all dead," he pretty much dead panned though he knew that they knew already. It was becoming a little easier for him talk about it but he still get night terrors and flashbacks, and had taken up a habit of constantly having having a blanket with him (wasn't hard when he was in bed most of the time). A reminder that he was was safe now, because there weren't any blankets or comfort in that place. No one commented on it other than his mother, who suggested that a scarf might be better if he wanted to have something to cling onto in public. He got that too. A protection on his neck would be good even if he wasn't being hunted anymore.

* * *

><p>"Hey Shin - chan, we found your phone," his mother said. He hummed a little in response and turned to the next page in his book. They had been home for a couple of days now, the one where he stayed beside Dr. Agasa and surprisingly, they managed to not tell anyone about his current condition yet. Though he was pretty sure some suspicion was raised considering how Conan frequent Agasa's house.<p>

"Anyways," Yukiko continued, chirpy as ever. "You have 48 missed calls and 86 messages. All from your friends and Conan - kun. I deleted all the junk messages. Are you listening to me?" He wasn't, not really. The spam was very much expected. How did Conan even run into so many cases anyways? He temporarily stopped his reading and opened his hand out, and soon enough a familiar and cool object was placed in his hand. Rounded edges and slightly raised buttons, with a bump on number five. Never had he been happier with his non-touchscreen phone. And he knew he could type up a message without looking before, so he should be able to do it again after familiarizing himself with it.

"Do you want to call anyone?" That question was coming and he knew it. His voice was still very hoarse and he coughed a lot (the poison's doing) so he wasn't all that fond of talking all and thankfully people understand. The scarf that his mother got for him helped too, keeping his throat and chest nice and warm. After thinking for a moment he nodded, and they pretty much called everyone. He missed and all of them, and in the end they were the reason he fought so hard to live in the first place. Though he did specially asked them to not come because if everyone did it would be too crowded - and thankfully most agreed with some reluctance except two person. Ran who was pretty much on her way by the time their phone call ended and Hattori who said he was coming tomorrow. Couldn't really blame them considering how he had disappeared for half a year.

The doorbell rung and he pushed himself up into a sitting position and readjusted his scarf, covering up his entire neck. After the whole ordeal he found himself dressed in looser and more comfortable fabric. Easier to to move in, he supposed, and it didn't cling onto him and aggravate his healing scars. For a moment he suddenly felt self conscious, and his hand reached up to his neck and he felt the uneven skin of a burn scar on the left side, stretching up to his jaw and into his cheek a little. Then his hand traveled up to his eyes, feeling his lashes brushing against his fingers and thin, almost unnoticeable lines. For some reason his mind painted a picture that was probably much worse than reality, but he wasn't allowed much time to ponder on it because someone pretty much tackled him in a bear hug. A familiar scent and a familiar voice, mumbling his name over and over again ands she cried onto his shirt. Ran.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Because he wasn't acting like himself in those last couple of months and was screaming at everyone who did as much as touch him, the instinct from the survival game kicking in. But he didn't tell her that as she pulled away and just cupped her cheeks in his rough hands and gently wiped away her tears. Crybaby. He positioned his thumb at the corner of her lips before leaning in and giving her a small kiss, which seemed to please her for a bit before she went back scolding him and crying at the same time. After dinner they chatted about some general things, Ran doing most of the talking while Shinichi listened, before she decided to read him a book. By time she went home, everything was pretty much back to to the way it was before.

* * *

><p>Hattori and Kazuha was a lot more upset about everything than he was.<p>

"I'm fine, really," he said for the hundredth time, but once again Hattori was shaking him by the shoulders and yelling. How annoying. By the end of today he would probably have a horrible migraine, which was exactly why he didn't want people to come until he was 100% okay again. Which seemed to be pretty impossible, but still.

"I know I was asking you who did this-"

"Goddammit Hattori I don't know. Shut up and sit down or I'm kicking you out of my house." That stopped him, and the grip on his shoulders loosened and disappeared before the spot beside him dipped with a loud sigh. Shinichi was pretty sure Kazuha was crying somewhere across from him. Now everyone was silent and awkward, with him still being a little sore and curled up in pillows and a blanket on one side of his sofa and Hattori fuming on the other side. Where was Ran when he needed her. "You guys just came here to to sulk and then scream at me?" He sounded a lot worse than he actually was. Or at least he thought so; the others didn't seem to agree.

"You told us to shut up." At least he was speaking in a normal volume now.

"That's because you were yelling and my head hurts." And the shoulder shaking hurt too. Everything hurt and today was a bad day. Just then the doorbell rang and Kazuha mumbled a tiny "I got it" before he could hear her quick footsteps towards the door.

"Your wife is here."

"Wait wha- _she isn't my _..!"

"You guys are pretty much married."

"Shut up."

"You still have that one picture of her in bikini don't you?" Not that he could see it anymore, or anything at all ever again. That thought was rather depressing and Hattori quickly noticed his sudden silence and realized his little slip up, and started apologizing when the two girls entered the room but he didn't have the chance to say that it was okay. Now his friend was probably freaking out. It was strange how the last few times they'd met they were nothing but rivals, never thinking that they'd become friends.

Kazuha was still crying when she sat down. Maybe Ran could get her to calm down and make things less awkward.

* * *

><p>His hair was longer and messier and his eyes had became dull and cloudy, often drifting aimlessly towards her general direction. The area of skin under his eyes seemed to have permanently darkened, and his half lidded eyes made him looked eternally sleepy. His clothing had changed too and so did the way he held himself; from tidy and crisp, with an air of authority to something smaller and wilder. Animalistic, almost, the way he curl up at one spot and had his guard up 247, having all vital organs covered and ready to move when he needed too, looking deceiving small and frail but she knew he wasn't. And she had the evidence she needed to confirm that.

Once she had approached him while he was curled up and asleep on his usual spot on the sofa, and before she could shake him awake he pretty much rolled off it and tackled her to the ground, and in a split second he had her pinned down in a lock hold with all of his weight and was ready to break her neck. Ran, who was a karate champion, was at the mercy of her nerdy best friend/boyfriend who had lost pretty much all of his weights and was still in the hospital just a couple of weeks ago, not to mention completely blind. Well there was the fact that she wasn't ready, but she supposed that was the point. Guard down and you're dead.

Then his hands started to shake violently and he got off her and curled up into a ball, pulling his blanket down from the couch with some fumbling.

_"F-fuck_..." he wheezed, still trembling as he curled up even tighter and Ran sat up slowly, still somewhat shocked by what happened. She didn't know he could do that. Would do that. "Y-y-you... you s-scared me...! D-don't _fuckin_. .. d-do that..."

"I'm sorry..." She mumbled, and wanted to reach out to him but from what happened, she doubted that it would help. He sounded like he was hyperventilating and she didn't know what to do. For the rest of the day he stayed there and she waited beside him for him to to calm down.

What on earth happened while he was away? No one told her in details but she knew it was a sensitive subject. But seeing Shinichi, the egoistic detective idiot who would never show anyone his weakness, like this. It hurt, even more so because he was her important person and she loved him so much. To think that the last time they talked through the phone, he was still risking himself doing dangerous cases like that. She couldn't stand it. Stupid stupid stupid Shinichi!

Tears were rolling down her cheeks again, and suddenly he uncurled and sat up, turning towards her.

" y'crying? " She could clearly see his distress through her tears, and wanted to scream at him because he should be worrying about himself right now, honestly. His frame was still shaking, and he had yet managed to keep his breathing under control, but he still crawled over to her and wrapped his twig arms around her as she bawled. "...I'm sorry..." Her arms instinctively went around his body.

In the end both of them fell asleep out of exhaustion, still clinging to each other. She believed Shinichi's mom took a picture of them.

* * *

><p>Safe and free.<p>

Those were really nice words.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: so yeah that was that. So far I'm pretty okay with updating hahahaha? Do send me a review! Especially if you have a constructive feedback or you want to see moreless of something. Thanks for reading!**


	3. File: 1 part 1

Chapter 2

It had been slightly over a year since he was discharged from the hospital, and Shinichi was pretty much on his feet again. His parents had left him on his own in the house and went overseas for business, but he was never really alone for long since Conan stayed over often and Ran visited almost everyday. Even if they didn't he was still capable enough to cook for himself and do general chores without killing himself, and very often, he would be on his couch, reading or sleeping or just doing nothing. One thing he would miss though, was going to Teitan High. Now he was home schooled and had a teacher coming every other day, and apparently because of his great intellect he was doing much better on his own because he could move through topics faster.

It wasn't any fun though.

On another note, Ran and Shinichi was now officially dating, and for some reason Sonoko felt the need to tell everyone and sparing no details at all. A few times he came back to school to say hello to their old classmates, but it was so chaotic and disorienting that he had to drag himself out halfway through the day. Then she decided that they needed a honeymoon during the school holiday and offered to buy them tickets. Shinichi decided to make full use of that offer and brought Conan and a certain Osaka pair along (apparently the girls dared each other to confess. Ran won because she confessed first and for some reason he felt proud). Kogoro decided to tag along because he apparently couldn't trust his daughter with a _'good-for-nothing boy'._ Stupid old man. They weren't even allowed to share a room so in the end Hattori shared a room with him and Conan while the two girls stayed together (Sonoko couldn't come in the end) and Kogoro got how own room.

From what they told him it was a cruise ship that they'd be staying on for five nights, and apparently everyone was looking forward to it except him. The idea of staying somewhere completely foreign and trapped in the middle of the great sea might not faze him back then, but he was surely nervous now.

"It's gonna be fine," Ran was saying beside him while they sat at the checkpoint, waiting for Hattori and Kazuha to show up. He was being a grumpy butt. Being outside still made him nervous and jittery, but at least he had his new friend and weapon The White Cane, which was invented by dear professor Agasa. It was really sturdy. Good for smacking annoying people (Hattori) and also doubled as a taser. And the professor made him scarves too; the one he had on at the moment was navy blue according to Ran and somehow bullet proof and water proof and heat proof and pretty much everything proofed, able to stretch side ways to cover his entire body or length wise to become a sturdy, five meter rope. Wasn't sure if all of that would be necessary but he would just use them anyways. As normal everyday things that he needed.

"I'll keep you company," She chirped, leaning against him, her hand slipping into his. "We can hold hands and stuff, too, if you'd like." She was probably blushing and he was too, just a little.

"Where's Hattori anyways..." he mumbled, slightly annoyed but since he got to sit and hold hands with Ran so he supposed that it was okay. She shrugged, and they both just relaxed in the comfortable silence. Then footsteps approached them, and his lips twitched into a smirk.

"Gosh Kudo. Nice see you all happy next to your girl but It's the middle of summer for God's sake, why are you covered in these stuff?" Talking about the devil. "Isn't it hot?" There was a slight tug on his scarf and he swatted the hand away, before standing up and stretching and little. Plain t-shirt and a cardigan, jeans and a pair of sneakers. He picked these out himself and he wasn't gonna change.

"Nah he has became extremely tolerant of heat," Ran laughed and stood up too, hand still in his. "Not so good with the colder weather though..."

"Where's your Dad and Conan-kun by the way?" Kazuha noted how people have already started to board the ship. "Should we go without them?"

"Yeah."

"Shinichi!"

Wasn't his fault he wanted to spend time with his girlfriend without her stupid old man and his stupid little cousin bugging them every two seconds. Oh there they were, and he knew they're giving him dirty looks because he was still holding onto Ran's arm. Suck it up. He was officially Ran's.

"And what are you doing clinging onto my daughter?" It started.

"Just making sure I don't run into a pole."

"You have your stick for that."

Before he could retort he had a little coughing fit and Ran used this moment to stop their fight and pretty much let go of his hand and shoved him at Hattori so her dad would shut up. "I thought-" _cough cough hack cough_ "-you were with me on this!" _Wheeze._ Hattori was dragging him away by the arm, and Shinichi smacked his shin a couple of times with his handy dandy cane.

"Sorry!" Ran yelled from somewhere to his left, apparently dragged by her father according to Hattori. They didn't talk again until they're on the ship, and even then they retired to their rooms and he ended up falling asleep as soon as he figured out where the bed was and laid down on it. The awkward part? There was only a king sized bed in each room. It was supposed to be a honeymoon after all, and Sonoko probably thought ahead, but with Shinichi's habit of taking up as little space as possible while asleep, it wasn't too bad for the other two. No one dared to wake him up though and he stayed asleep until lunch when Ran was able to get away from her dad.

"Shinichi wake up," Ran said the moment she closed the door with a small click, having learnt from the last time she tried to rouse him. "It's me, Ran." His body relaxed a little and she could hear a little sigh, before she walked towards him and sat down on the bed, slowly because he was still tense. "It's lunch. Everyone is on the top deck and we are having a buffet. Oh and you missed the ceremony and the safety briefing because you're asleep, but if anything was to happen you can just follow Hattori." Her hand was now in his hair, gently playing with the soft, dark strands. He really needed a haircut, but having a pair of scizzors touching his head was still a big no-no. A couple of weeks ago she had offered to do it but he was shaking so bad after the first five minute they decided to drop it, which left his hair a little messy and uneven but he didn't seem to care.

Ran didn't disturb him as he took his time to calm down first and kept quiet until he sat up and leaned against her, still looking looking a little pale.

"Stupid Shinichi," She mumbled, reaching up to his face and gently taking off his sunglasses and placed them in his hands. "You could've broke these, going to sleep with them." Both of his eyes were closed, but she new he wasn't sleeping because whenever he slept he would curl up in blankets. Smiling she placed a little kiss on each scared lid, and watched in amusement as his cheeks flushed.

"Dammit Ran..." He reached up to rub at them but she took a hold of both of his wrists and made soft _"tsk tsk tsk"_ sounds. "Stop it. It's itchy..." He was whining and he didn't care.

"You shouldn't do that," She scolded, but sounded like she was gonna laugh at him. "If they're dry you should use eye drops or something. Rubbing it would only make it worse." Especially with how he did it; violently scrubbing at them until half of his lashes fell off.

"I'm not gonna get any blinder though?"

"Well, yeah I guess, but they can still get hurt and it'll be even more of an annoyance." She had been reading up on some things. "Is it because of your scars? Are they hurting? I have some moisturizing cream if that'd help." Fingers toughened from sports and martial arts gently brushed over the delicate skin of his eyelids. They twitched slightly, and she cupped his cheeks instead, not wanting to aggravate his discomfort.

"Nah." His second attempt at scratching out his eyes was stopped too. "Just a little irritated and dry because I just woke up. My eyes I mean." They had gotten a lot more sensitive, but still useless. Kinda sucked how he still have to take care of them. Ran hummed softly in reply and stood up.

"Don't rub your eyes," she warned, watching him closely as she got out his medication bag and pulled out a bottle of eye drops. Then grabbed his face towel (stupid Shinichi hadn't even unpack yet) and wet it with warm water. Then she got back to the bed where he was exactly where he was before, looking slightly irritated. These cabins were really small. The bed pretty much took up all the space.

"Good boy," She giggled and he grunted in response as she she at down and gently held his head sturdy with one hand, then carefully wiped his eyes with the warm cloth.

"Wait lemme-" He took the cloth and scrubbed at his eyes with them.

"Goddammit Shinichi!" She pounced on him as he cackled and took back the cloth. "Your eyes are so red gosh. Don't rub at them!"

"Fine fine," he laughed, then stilled to let her pry his lids open and gave him his drops. "Ah... that's better..." She smacked him with the wet towel and joined him in the giggling. "Told you!"

They finally left after that, with Ran leading a very claustrophobic Shinichi through the decks. Closed off windows, rooms after rooms and a lot of strangers and floors. Not fun at all. And once he got onto the top deck there was so much wind that his scarf repeatedly slapped him in the face. There was a total of twelve decks, he counted. Their rooms was on the 8th, and now he was on one of the three open decks on the top. Deck 11, he believed. Ran was telling him of landmarks and things while he cling onto her arm for dear life because there were too many people. His scarf wasn't people proofed, sadly. Also, who the hell thought it would be a good idea for him to go to a buffet anyways?

In the end he only managed to sit there for about five minute before he escaped back to his room with all of the muffins, leaving children of all ages disappointed, and ate that for lunch. Hattori returned very soon after.

"You just want the muffins."

"No really I wanted to keep you company 'n stuff... y ' know, maybe we can do some activities together," he paused for a moment and stared at Kudo, sitting on the floor with muffins surrounding him, a scowl on his face. He should look happier. Having all those muffins. Hattori was still trying to figure out how on earth he managed to sneak all these back. "But muffins are good. I'd like a couple."

Because of the window was bright he could see through his dark shades and watched as his friend's eyes narrowed, before he threw a muffin at him. At least he tried to.

"Kudo I'm two meters to your left," he dead-panned. "That muffin just rolled off the bed."

"Too bad for you."

"Have you considered like, giving it to me normally? Like, just hand it over?"

"Mmhm... nah."

He bent down and picked up the muffin, gave it a little dusting before sitting down in front of Kudo and started eating it. With the shades and the messy hair, the generally dark clothing and the navy blue scarf that covered half of his lower face, he looked like a person one would call suspicious. But since he was walking around with the long white cane with a couple of red stripes that screamed "I'm blind" most would immediately assume that he was harmless. Hattori doubted that anyone would even recognize him as the great high school detective Shinichi Kudo.

"Why d'ya get all the muffins only to eat like two." They were neatly arranged around Kudo, and he was careful to not accidentally knock any over. The one he was given had already vanished, only the wax paper wrapper remained and he reached out for a second. Surely his friend wouldn't mind sharing when he had a few dozens more, if he actually noticed anyways.

"Hey." Zombie eyes were staring intently at him through dark lenses with insane accuracy. Honestly it was really creepy - no offense.

" How-"

He turned away. "Where's Ran and the rest by the way? Why didn't you stay with them?"

Hattori hesitated a little before slowly peeling away the wax paper of his second muffin. If Kudo noticed he wasn't complaining. "Ran, Kazuha and Conan are doing some activity organised by the staff," he mumbled through a mouthful of muffin. Mmm mm mm... chocolate. "It's for kids though, balloon twisting class or something, so I left. Even Conan was kinda bored. The old man is probably in the casino." He received a soft hum in reply.

"You know, you don't have to stay here if you don't want to." Wait a second.

Was Kudo feeling depressed or something? It wasn't surprising though; a year and a half was hardly enough time to recover from something as psychological damaging as being locked in a crazy purgatory and forced to go against all of your morals, even if you have as much will to live as his friend did. Actually he was a little worried about Kudo and his sleep problems because they were in a foreign environment, but he seemed to sleep fine earlier.

"You can take as many muffins as you like by the way." He did sorta sound tired. Well, more than usual.

"Good to hear." Another was consumed. "And yeah I don't wanna stay here. We should like, go up to the open deck or something because there's live music there. There are seats and free ice cream too and you can bring along your books. Or do you wanna go for the movie screening in the lounge at 2? It's some kids movie though. Yaiba or something." There was also a karaoke room but he really, really didn't want Kudo to sing.

Much to his relief his friend perked up a bit.

"Open deck sounds nice."

So that was where they stayed though it was a little sunny (it should be good for Kudo to get some vitamin D) and occasionally talked about each other's girlfriends. More like teasing Kudo until he got flustered and threw his thick, hard-covered Braille book at him. Ran found them afterwards and joined in with little chats while Kazuha continued doing activities with a not-very-enthusiastic Conan.

"Oh look! They're having a screening of a serial killer documentary at eight!" Hattori said as he looked through the navigator. "I read about this guy before. He was a doctor and slowly murdered his victims by giving them wrong prescriptions and unknown drugs-" Ran nearly broke his arm by smacking him repeatedly, and he was about to scream at her when he noticed her glare and the ragged wheezing from a shaking Kudo. His face had became ghastly pale, his skin almost translucent enough to show purple veins beneath. Shit. Of course he still wouldn't be ready to get back to his old deduction loving self anytime soon. Or ever again.

Come to think of it, no one had mentioned anything about Kudo going back to being a detective. Sure, they probably had all thought about it, but he supposed that they were just happy that he was recovering well and didn't discussing it.

He watched, apology frozen and stuck somewhere, as his rival and friend clamped his hand over his mouth, trying to regain his breath and composure. He looked so small like that, in Ran's arm and down right vibrating. So _fragile._

Him and his stupid mouth.

"I'm sorry," he squeaked once Kudo was able to sat back up on his own. He didn't seem to register it though, still somewhat dazed. "I really am. A-are you okay? Do you want me to bring you back to the room?" No reply. Ran just sighed and patted his back. "I'm sorry... Ran?" He felt horrible now, and he was pretty sure she was mad at him.

"I'm... fine... I-I'll be fine..." His soft, almost inaudible mumbling sounded strange, like he was unconsciously saying it to himself but no one else.

"Did he take his meds after lunch?" Ran looked awfully worried, but her anger had ebbed away.

" I'm not sure... I didn't see him taking it though."

Gently she put her hand at the back of his neck and pulled him to her chest, feeling her eyes getting prickly again. Stupid Shinichi. She would kick him right now if she knew he wouldn't go ballistic and try to kill her.

" A-ah! I'll go and get his meds stuff..." Hattori stammered and got up. There were a few people staring, and he glared at them until they pissed off before he sprinted away. Didn't take long. So the reason why Shinichi was acting a little odd earlier might because he forgot to take his medications?

The stairs wasn't that long and the floors wasn't high, the halls were brightly lit, and the floor was all carpeted except for the open decks. The cabin doors lined up the narrow corridors, and a golden tag was on each door with the room number on it. Didn't take long for him to get near his room. In front of him a group of business men crowded around a room door, and he probably couldn't run through them.

"...Mrs. Mizuki disappeared?"

"It's not something she would do..."

"Wasn't you're wife still with you during lunch?"

"Yes and-"

"EXCUSE ME." Immediately they dispersed, looking mildly terrified as the Osaka teen zoomed past them. For once he didn't thought much about the conversation and only had Kudo and medicines on mind. It was the only thing he could do to help after all.

* * *

><p>"R-Ran..." He was afraid, breaking out in cold sweat and shaking. "Something r-really bad is happening... s-something... some... one..." Cool, slender fingers cupped his cheeks, and he could feel the slightest quiver going through them.<p>

"It's okay Shinichi! Nothing is gonna happen. We are safe here and Hattori was just being dumb with what he said..."

_Did Hattori said something? He didn't remember, being so worked up by this strange, nagging bad feeling, and the voices and images going through his head._

_I kiLLEd h Er KiLLe D tHa cH y e s_

"That n-noise. .. t-t-the splash earlier..."

"That was from the kids pool. Don't worry-"

"The o-ocean... she drowned..."

* * *

><p>AN: I really need a beta reader ; A; also, spoiler/hint: it's not really 'poison' and it's not really a 'game'. Also keep in mind that there's also a reason why they didn't kill Shinichi


	4. File: 1 part 2

_Stop struggling and die you bitch._

_Fingers seemed to be moving on their own as they wrapped themselves in a woman's hair. Long, blond strands swirled in the water as she struggled. He was in someone's bathtub, he realized. A brightly lit place. There were a couple of little shampoo bottles on the side, identical to the ones found in his cabin's bathroom. Words. Colors. They all seemed weird to him now._

_You're making it harder for both of us!_

_His mouth opened, and he felt his throat and chest rumble as he snarled in a voice that wasn't his. It was deeper and older. The arms that held the woman down weren't his either. Neither were the thoughts._

_A cruel laugh resounded throughout the bathroom, and the body that wasn't his turned to look into the mirror. There was a face that wasn't his own looking back. The face of a murderer._

* * *

><p>When Hattori returned to the deck, both Ran and Shinichi had gone from the chairs. Instead, he found them leaning against the railing and looking out at the sea. Well, Ran was looking, while Kudo just stood behind her, looking ready to throw up and faint. Knowing what he had been through though, he was probably ready to wring someone's neck too.<p>

"Hey-" Shinichi flinched and turned towards him with frightening accuracy, his grip on his scarf tightening. Hattori was willing to bet that he had already thought of a way to kill with that thing. Constantly being in a kill or be killed situation must've taken its toll on his friend. Even if years went by, Hattori didn't think the effects would wear off easily. "I got your medicine. What's... going on?" People were crowding around the railing and looking down at the sea. Some people were making a big scene of something. As he scanned the deck, he found the business men he saw just minutes earlier. One of them, a big man in his forties, was sobbing dramatically as his companions comforted him. His ring finger held a thin, simple band of silver, but his other accessories were clearly expensive, as could be seen from the fancy looking suit and the golden tie clip with elaborate carvings on it.

Ran looked up and answered, "Shinichi sorta of... um... said there was a body? Well, not just him. A few other people said they saw someone falling into the water, and they've been making a big commotion." Hattori peered over the railing and watched as a couple of staff members trailed behind the cruise ship in a smaller boat. Some of them, equipped with diving gears, jumped into the water.

"But they haven't retrieved it yet, have they?" He glanced back to the group of men.

Ran shook her head, "No... But I heard someone say that someone went missing from the cruise… They're looking for the person that fell overboard right now, but all they've managed to find is a red scarf in the water." Kudo nervously played with a loose thread on his navy blue scarf, and she protectively pulled him close. Before Hattori left to do some more investigating, he glanced back at the two as Ran got a medical bag. She seemed to have everything under control. Now for the case… First, the people who mentioned someone going missing. A person goes missing right before someone falls off the ship? Quite a coincidence, if it was one at all.

He really wanted to confide his thoughts in Kudo, but he wasn't ready for a case yet… He seemed to know a little more than he let on, though. How did he find out about a person falling off the ship? Kudo was blind, there's no way he could've seen it happen. Even weirder, what made him think that they were dead? From what Hattori knew, the 'body' had only been in the water for about ten to fifteen minutes, in other words, the amount of time it had taken to run from this exact spot to his cabin, look for Kudo's medication, and then run back here again. An average person would've died in about seven minutes if they had been completely submerged, but whether it was an accidental or a plotted fall, even someone who couldn't swim would take longer than that to start drowning. They would've been able to keep their head above water for at least a couple of minutes. Of course, since no one's managed to get the person out of water or seen them surface to take a breath, chances were that they were already dead. But there were also many other possibilities that should've been taken into consideration.

Kudo looked like he wasn't paying attention to anything either, seemingly in a world of his own unless he felt like he was physically threatened. Even if he heard the splash when the body hit the water, why would he think that it would be a body of all things? Paranoia? He couldn't see, and there was no way Ran would've given him details on a potential death. She would've seen it as a trigger for him. If it was anyone else they would've been one of his top suspects, but this was Kudo, and he hadn't been alone for more than five minutes since the moment they stepped on this cruise ship. Hattori highly doubted that he would be the culprit.

Speaking of suspects...

"Uh... excuse me. What's going on? Why are you crying?" There were around 20 people. Suits and ties for the men and fancy dresses for the women. He walked right into the center of the crowd where the crying person stood. "Excuse me , I just got here, and I'm a little confused… Would you happen to know something I don't?"

"Why you...! Rude little brat! Who do you think you are?" someone snarled and he turned to see a woman in a grey dress. "You don't just walk up to someone and ask whatever you want! Especially if they're in the middle of a breakdown. Our CEO's wife just committed suicide and he's in a lot of shock right now, so would you please just kindly back off?" There was an expectant look on her face, as if she he would feel guilty and scamper away immediately. She's was gonna be disappointed.

"A-le-le? How did you know it was your wife? Did they find the body already?" a childish voice piped up.

"Oh hi, Conan!" Hattori was grinning now.

"Not yet! But a suicide note and the scarf Mizuki-san gave her for their anniversary was found in their room. No mistaking it because her name was sewn on it. Yui Mizuki," the woman continued, glaring at them. "What do you want? Who gives you the right to question us?!"

A smirk played on his lips. "My name is Heiji Hattori and this is my assistant, Edogawa Conan. We're detectives." He could feel the glare from the younger boy burning into his skin. "I believe it's my job to look into these kind of things when the police aren't around."

"W-well... this is clearly a suicide... why is there a need to investigate?" Another person spoke, a thin young man who was much more timid. "I also believe we should be allowed to recover from the shock."

"I can't imagine her doing such a thing though," other young man spoke up, with dark wavy hair obscuring the left side of his face. His visible eye looked slightly haunted, with a dark bag underneath it. The young man reminded him of Kudo, who had probably been dragged back to his room, judging by the empty seats and railings. "She had always been so full of life and had a strong will to live."

"Yeah, just the opposite of you," the woman in grey retorted, rolling her eyes. Hattori decided that he didn't like her.

In the meantime, Mr. Mizuki seemed to have calmed down and looked at them. Honestly, he resembled Santa Claus, with his big, chubby teddy bear build and warm eyes, just minus the white beard, white hair and red clothing of course. His hair was dark brown and he wore a dark maroon suit. He was an inch or two taller than Hattori.

"Well, I'm sorry you had to see me like that," he said sheepishly, wiping at his eyes. "So, Tantei-san, I understand that you'd like to do some investigating to report to the police yes? You're welcome to ask questions and look around." He then proceeded to squat down to Conan's eye level, smiling warmly. "Even this little guy can join in!"

"I'm glad you've cheered up so quickly!" Conan chirped.

They started with the basic introductions, and apparently aside from these four, the rest of these people who crowded around them had no personal relationship with the missing person. They seemed to be just co-workers of a couple of large companies on a business trip.

"We've held a few meetings here with a few VIPs of different companies and such," the woman, Naomi Kazumo, said. She was the secretary of Mr. Mizuki and she and Mrs. Mizuki mutually hated each other with a passion; to the point where they refused to even be near each other. This was the result of something from the past that she refused to share. Even with Conan's innocent prompting, she was stubborn and harsh.

The thin young man was Mamoru Ao, the younger brother of Mrs. Mizuki, and the depressing person was Kuro Watanabe, his boyfriend. They were the only one who weren't working yet, seeing as they were university students. According to Ao-san, his older sister greatly disapproved their relationship and their plan to move overseas to get married after they had finished studying. Watanabe-san was not discouraged though, and had tried numerous attempts to get on her good side, which usually ended horribly.

So all of them had a motive except for Mr. Mizuki, who was said to be having a great relationship with his wife. The scarf and suicide letter was taken into custody before they were released. And just as Hattori and Conan returned to the room, news arrived that the body had finally been found. They rushed to the back of the ship where the small boat had been trailing behind the ship. Of course Shinichi tried to come along. It turns out that ever since he was dragged back to his room by Ran and Kazuha, he hadn't been very cooperative and refused to do anything but curl up in a corner until Hattori and Conan came back.

"Dude, I'm sorry but you look like shit right now, and I don't think a case would do you any good. For God's sake, just stay here and take your medicine okay?" Shinichi's heart was still pounding and he was still trembling. He barely registered Hattori's hands on his shoulders, but he was aware that he was stumbling back (being pushed back) onto the bed, and it burned. It hurt. He had never been excluded from a case before, and this was his best friend, rival and partner in crime (or investigation) who was telling him to sit there and do nothing.

"Hattori I gotta go I gotta-"

"Ran can you help me please? Get him to take his medicine. Kazuha, you too please." Hattori sounded scared, but Shinichi continued rambling on and struggled against his hold. He knew he was a lot stronger than what he looked and he wouldn't fucking break the moment they mentioned a dead body goddammit-

_-he wouldn't. _

Not again.

"_LISTEN TO ME!"_ His voice cracked and his throat burned and he was wheezing and pleading through all the other voices because he had to go, he just had to. "I know who the murderer is I saw-" He somehow managed to flip Hattori over and kept him under him, pinned against the bed and completely at his mercy.

"Shinichi please-" The Kansai accent thickened and his voice shook, but Shinichi wasn't done.

"The victim is a blond woman wearing red from head to toe. She was drowned in a bathtub of a cabin," he croaked, shaking with tears rolling down his cheeks as if he was the murderer confessing the crime. "I saw it, I swear I did. The m-murderer probably threw her into the sea to dispose of any evidence left on the body a-and they're... h-he..." The image in the mirror was hazy in his mind yet it was flashing over and over in his head and it hurt it hurt ithurtithurtithurt.

Someone was touching him, holding him and pulling him away to gently hold him to their chest, and he felt bad. Really bad. He had made all of them worried.

"I'm... sorry." The haze in his mind was slowly fading away, and he could hear the shaky breathing from Hattori, Ran's sobs from behind and the strange noises she made when she tried to stifle her tears. It took him a while too to realize that he had been crying too, cheeks wet and eyes stinging. He sniffled and wiped at them a little. Ran pulled his hands away from his eyes and held them gently in hers.

Strange- he felt so numb, now that everything had died down.

"L-look, Shinichi." It was really weird to hear Hattori was use his first name. "Let's make a deal, ok?" The bed creaked as his friend crawled towards him, barely speaking above a whisper that somehow deafened the room.

"Take your medicine and get some rest, alright? Do that, and I'll come get you when you're calm and feeling okay again."

For some reason Shinichi believed him and nodded mutely, desperate to make sense of the pounding in his head and the strange visions. Maybe he was hallucinating or something because he refused to take his medication? But it was all so strange and felt so so so real. Judging by the silence he heard after he told them about what he saw, he knew he had gotten the victim's description right. That didn't help at all and only served to confused him more. How?

So he quietly took the handful of pills, downed them with a cup of water, and went to freshen up. As soon as the drugs kicked in, the visions and voices seemed to fade and the bad feelings went away. But the side effects appeared and drowsiness overcame him. He ended up sleeping for a while again.

The bastard never planned to come back to get him.

Which was, well, upsetting.

Soon enough his insecurities began to creep back into his mind, and they taunted him. Naturally this resulted in him becoming grumpy and negative. It had been thirty minutes since he woke up from his three hour nap, and Hattori still hadn't returned. The nagging feeling that told him he needed to investigate this case slowly made itself known again. This time it was more persistent and clear, like background noise that didn't necessarily interfere with what he was doing but was annoying nonetheless. So he sat on the bed, eyes screwed shut and knees to his chest, trying to make sense of his vision. He felt like he knew what the murderer looked like and would be able to recognize him if he were to see him, but he couldn't see and suddenly the process was a lot more complicated. He couldn't seem to comprehend the face or describe it. But thinking more reasonably, scientifically and professionally as a detective, none of it made sense. The only answer that came to his mind was:

"You're finally breaking. You're going mad thinking that all these hallucinations are actually related to the case. You can't seriously think that a blind person's vision would count as sufficient evidence, or even as a clue, to finding the culprit."

So now he was back to square one. Why was he so insistent in joining the investigation, despite having told himself to take a break from all the murders and mayhem? Because he believed that by doing so, he could somehow come to understand how and why he was seeing those strange images and hearing those strange voices. Was this what his weird inner voice was nagging him to do? He believed so.

But the thing was, he highly doubted that going to the crime scene and finding the culprit would explain what happened, and the annoying feeling didn't seem to want him to find the culprit necessarily, but rather it just wanted him to be there. At the crime scene.

He hated how vague everything was.

What was he supposed to do now? Everyone seemed to have left the room and Hattori and Conan had probably solved the case while he was asleep. The feeling was still there, prompting him to get up and find them, but as much as he hated to admit it, he knew he couldn't.

Then there was a soft click from the general direction of the door, and he instantly went on hyper-alert. A soft mechanical beep indicated that the card key inserted was authorized and the door was unlocked. A louder click and a whoosh followed.

"Shinichi?"

He relaxed, his tense form loosening, and he sighed as the gentle female voice registered in in his mind. Ran Mouri, with her sweet and gentle aura. It was calming, albeit timid. God he loved her so much.

"U-umm..." He wobbled out of his bed and clung onto her within seconds, face buried in in her hair as the familiar scent of her shampoo soothed him. He didn't like being alone at all, and was never happier to have his one-and-only Ran by his side when he tried to work things out in his muddled brain. She was being an absolutely amazing and supportive girlfriend by tolerating his constant clinginess, but at the same time, she kept him in in check. Also she helped him with smuggling the muffins.

He was slowly and carefully guided back to the bed and seated, leaning against the headboard with Ran directly in front of him. Her hands were gently massaging some warmth back into his, and only then did he realize that they were trembling and frigid.

"So," her voice sounded so angelic to his ears right now. He totally forgot about everything else for a moment and just leaned forward, settling into the crook of her neck. She had pretty broad shoulders for a girl; probably because of all those martial arts and sports she did. "How are you feeling? "

"Better..." he practically crooned as her hands moved up to his back and shoulder, rubbing out the knots in his muscles. She giggled softly and patted his head.

"Good to hear."

They stayed that way for a while, holding onto each other in a calming silence. So far they had been nothing more than a softcore couple. Their relationship was nice and slow, and they were both content enough with that to have never even thought about "the next stages of a relationship". At this point, he was already so satisfied with just being beside her, holding her and kissing her and being next to her, basking in her love. She was safe and she was healthy and they were happily in love.

Shinichi thought that was all he would ever need.

But, there was a feeling inside him, whispering to him.

"It won't last."

"You know, the case won't be solved if you just stay here and sulk about it," Ran spoke up after a while, tentatively. She could feel him tensing up a little, but luckily he didn't freak out like earlier. Still, she would tread this ground very carefully and hope to prevent any distress.

"Huh?"

"I'm not saying that Hattori isn't capable or anything, but two brains would still be better than one. And I know you're dying to join in." So far so good. Shinichi had only sat up straight and faced her with a slightly confused expression as his brain slowly processed what she said. Would that be a problem later on during the investigation? She knew the side effects of the medicine tended to make him drowsy and dazed. It had also been quite a while since the last time he did a case. His mind wouldn't be as sharp.

"... I thought you were against me doing these kinds of things after... what happened..." And he might end up feeling unwell again, like earlier on the deck. Why did that happen though? He seemed fine now, even though a dead body had just been found. But earlier he it seemed he had been scared of a splash. Weird.

"I'm against you getting yourself into unnecessary danger, you stupid nerd! I'm not against you doing what you're meant to do and love..."

"But Hattori and Conan left-"

"This is where Ran Mouri comes in!"

* * *

><p>AN: there's a lot more things that needs to be italicized but my tablet won't fucking comply and I'm too fucking pissed to try anymore so

Apologies for being three weeks late and special thanks to my beta reader/editor assasin8


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